A sneak peek at the life-changing new book A New Voice For A Broken Soul, by Paul A. Ray (available September 2012).
From Chapter 9: A New Voice For Broken Souls
What God has brought me through is only the beginning of what He has in store for me. But this book, this story, is not only about me. It’s about the love, the mercy, the grace, and the compassion of the Blessed Trinity. I write this as a means to not only proclaim that God is still active and performing miracles in our day, but that no matter what circumstances you or someone you may know and love are in, there is always hope. I have been to the brink of utter despair. I know what it is like to know that you’re dying. I have felt the chains of addiction and the violent cycle of sin that accompanies it. I know what it is like to lose everything and lose all hope in humanity and one’s self. I know that the only place to turn is to turn toward heaven. God is misunderstood by so many! I, too, in the midst of my chaos believed that God was angry with me and was peering down upon my black soul just waiting for me to die so He could cast me into hell where I deserved to be. I lost hope that there was any way I could please Him. This, perhaps, was my greatest misery.Even though I lost hope in everything, including God, He never lost hope in me. I was not seeking Him or even asking Him for anything, because I was convinced that there was no way He would help me due to what I had done with my life. What I quickly found out, however, was that God is not like that. Even though I didn’t believe it at the time, His love for me—and for every one of us— is so unfathomable that it completely transcends our own understanding. What we need to understand, and what I came to know, is that there is absolutely nothing we ourselves can do to merit His grace and love. He knows we’re helpless. His hope is that we do not wait until we hit the bottom before we turn to Him. God has created all of us to naturally long for Him and to unite ourselves with Him. By this, we are satisfied. I was never taught this growing up. I naturally thought our happiness lies in what we ourselves believe will make us happy. For me, what I thought would make me happy would have killed me, had not God stepped in!
Even more than hope, perhaps, my story is a story about love. Once I found what my heart has always been longing for, I yearned to know more about the source from which it came. All of my efforts, all of my prayers, all of my studies, and all of my tears were geared toward becoming one with the One who gave me my life and gave me back my life. It was from Him I gained it and it was from Him I lost it and received it once again. If God had not allowed me to experience all these things, I wouldn’t be the person for which He wanted me to be today. As bad as my life had become,
by His mercy He still used it for my greater good.
Is this a reason to continue living a life in sin? Of course not! What I recognized is that the love that God poured onto me, I in turn was to pour out on others. How, then, could I pour out this divine love onto others if I do not have access to the grace that He gives to enable us? It was for this very reason Jesus gave us the sacraments. The sacraments are an outward sign of an inward grace given to our souls. Therefore, with the sacraments, not only did I find a way to be fully united with God, who gave me a second chance at life, but I would have the grace to love others with the same love He gives to me.
Christianity seemed to me at one point just an aspect of life. There were, I believed, different areas of life that were simply meant to be kept separate, i.e., our family life, our jobs, our friends, and so forth. Religion was to be kept as something personal, not to influence us in our other relationships. I saw no harm in it, but religion was to be kept by itself as just an aspect of what someone might personally believe, but it would never influence the other areas of his or her life.
What I discovered, however, is the opposite. God, in His unfathomable love for us, shows us how we can live a life of satisfaction and authentic happiness throughout every aspect of our lives—with ourselves, first of all, and with our family, friends, coworkers, etc. Since, therefore, He is the author of life, our Creator, and the source of eternal joy, He alone knows what will make us happy. I didn’t believe this but once I was forced into a corner by my own doing, God in His mercy revealed this truth to me in a way that I could never have imagined.
This divine reality is for everyone, not just for certain people. It’s not about being “good enough” to earn God’s love. It’s about trusting Him that there is far more to life than what we see. Slowly, when you ask God with a contrite heart and in humility, He will stretch forth His arms and embrace you wherever you’re at and reveal Himself to you. We must understand that we need to meet God on His terms and not our own. We cannot have a preconceived idea of how God works and how He conducts Himself within the affairs of humanity. We need to know that we are to meet Him in the way he has divinely revealed Himself to us: through His Church and through His Living Word, Sacred Scripture, which are one and the same. The new voice I have is not of human origin, but eternal. It is a voice that knows that this life on earth is not what we were created for. It is a voice which carries with it hope, love, happiness, and peace.
I cannot promise you that God will perform a miracle in your own life as He did in mine or in the lives of those whom you love, but what I can tell you, with certainty and with conviction, is that He alone knows you better than you know yourself. He alone knows what is the absolute best for you in your life. If you sincerely and honestly surrender your will to know, love, and serve Him, then He will, in love, meet you where you’re at and transform your life. Behold, He stands knocking at the door of your heart. Do not postpone His beckoning, for you never know when your life will be required of you. He loves you more than anyone else ever will or can, and all He asks is that you love Him in return.
© 2012 Paul A. Ray
Photographing the front cover at Highlight Studios
on a set custom designed for the book by photographer Mike Nykoruk.
