"Don't Wait"

The conclusion of the forthcoming pro-life book, God Moments III:  True Love Leads To Life.

If there was anything I needed to say to her, this was the time, and it would be my last opportunity.  

    

 It was almost Christmas 2011, and my sister Belinda was near death. She had recently returned home following an unexpectedly long stay at the hospital. She had been admitted because her white blood cell counts were low, and had already been informed that cancer had spread throughout her body and she was dying. 

     While she was in the hospital, one medical condition after another presented itself.  At one point she went into renal failure, and we were all informed her condition was hopeless and she had at most two days left to live.

     However, God alone has the right to decide who lives and who dies, and when. Six weeks later, Belinda was discharged from the hospital. 

     It was a triumphant day of sorts when our mother and I accompanied her home on this last leg of her journey. Before I headed home, the three of us sat in the living room and chatted about the events of the last several weeks.

     Two things stand out in my mind about that conversation. 

     Belinda had spent years compiling our family genealogy and thanks to the computer age, she was able to maintain contact via e-mail and Skype with our beloved relatives around the world. I asked her about her experience in the hospital when she was on the brink of death.  Belinda explained that it didn’t feel like she was dying, perhaps because as she said, “Nobody came for me.”  She shook her head, and seemed almost disappointed that all our relatives who had preceded us in death and whose personal stories she knew so well had not presented themselves.  Then, she said it again. “Nobody came for me.” 

     They knew it wasn’t her designated time yet. 

     Another thing Belinda mentioned was that money and material things, which only had value to her when used to help others, were now of no concern to her at all. All that mattered was that her soul was ready to meet the Lord.   

     We spoke briefly about what is of true and eternal value, something we had discussed so many times before.  

     Belinda’s health deteriorated rapidly after that day. 

     The day before she died, I went to Holy Mass in the morning and then brought her Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament.  At that point she was no longer able to see or speak, but when she received the Eucharist she clearly knew our Savior was there with her, and she clearly wanted to receive Him. She seemed to really savor His Real Presence on her tongue.

    That morning, my mother and brother and I were there with Belinda, until I was left alone with her while Mom and Joe left to run some errands.    

    A bookshelf in Belinda's room.

    A kind woman from hospice had recently made a very helpful recommendation.  It broke Belinda’s heart to be leaving us, and our family had spoken of the moment that was coming when we would most likely need to give Belinda our permission to go to God.  What I had not thought of was how important it was for her to know that our mother would be all right.   

     And so I was left that day with Belinda all to myself as she lay in her bed dying, and realized that the opportunity I knew was coming had arrived.  If there was anything I needed to say to her, this was the moment, and it would be my last opportunity. 

     So there I was thinking hard, what should I say?  She was able to hear but not able to answer back.  The moment belonged not only to me, it belonged to her, too.  Throughout her illness, the thought of separating from us caused Belinda a great deal of anguish because she wanted to stick around and make sure everyone was properly cared for. I did not want to cause her any more pain.

     The reason this story is significant is because of the importance that we not wait until such a moment arrives, if we are even given this one final chance, to say or do anything that should have been expressed earlier.  Love now, while you are able to.  Respect the great dignity of every person, no matter what the circumstances are. 

     As Belinda had said on the day she was released from the hospital and returned home to die, only love mattered to her, and it is only love that should matter to us. 

    “Christ could not have been more firm in insisting that we can expect God to be as kind and merciful and forgiving to us as we are kind and merciful and forgiving to others. ‘The amount you measure out,’ He warned us, ‘is the amount you will be given’ (Matthew 7:2).” 2 ~  Father John A. Hardon, S.J. 

     My main thought was to respect my sister’s great dignity as I walked up the stairs toward her room.  During my ascent I became overcome with emotion, and ended up detouring to the room next to hers where I silently cried.  I did not remain there long, because there was a very precious opportunity waiting next door.  

    And so I walked into her room and said hello so she knew who was there. Not wanting to hover over her, I brought my laptop computer, set it on the floor toward the foot of her bed where there was room, and sat down in front of it.  I told her I was there to keep her company while Mom and Joe ran some errands, and while matter of factly working at the computer, spoke to her intermittently as if we were having one of our usual conversations. 

     Finally, I told her not to worry about our mother, who was going to turn seventy years old in three days.  “We’ll take good care of her,” I said. 

     Nothing else I expressed in the hour or so we were together a final time comes to my mind now except for one other thing I felt was important to tell her.  Fortunately, every other good thing had already been said and done. 

     “You know,” I said with conviction because it was really true, and for her sake with all the joy I could muster under the circumstances, “we have had a really wonderful life.” 

     Don’t wait to love the people God has placed in your life for good reason.  Don’t wait to give God full jurisdiction over your life.  Don’t wait to unify your will to His.   

     Don’t wait to ask for His forgiveness, forgive yourself, forgive anyone else, or extend an olive branch.  Don’t wait to have a deeply personal, meaningful, and deeply unified relationship with Jesus.  Don’t wait to honor Him during the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, and don’t wait to receive the Sacrament of Christ’s Peace (Reconciliation).    

Don’t wait to say the loving words you should be saying, and don’t wait to accomplish what He wants you to accomplish as His instrument of love. 

   Don’t wait to get involved in the pro-life movement; God has prepared a very special place just for you within it.  True love leads to life, and so many other wonderful things!    

Belinda's family accompanies her mortal remains to their final resting place. 

       If you are unsure how to begin, one way is to develop a devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus.

     Speaking to St. Margaret Mary, Jesus called His Sacred Heart the “source of all healing and sanctifying grace.”  Jesus asks us to give Him our hearts, and live a life of union that is glorious for God, sweet and fruitful for our souls, and powerful for us to obtain graces for others.  In the Sacred Heart of Jesus, “Our prayers will be sanctified, our atonement rendered acceptable, our love purified, our thanksgiving enhanced, our good works ennobled, our faults supplied for.” 2

God Moments III:  True Love Leads To Life, the pro-life third book in the award-winning God Moments Series written and compiled by Michele Bondi Bottesi, will be available November 2012. 

Eternal, heartfelt thanks to the many generous people who shared their very moving stories in the book.  God is at work in you!  


From the back cover:  
    

   The personal stories in God Moments III:  True Love Leads To Life take you straight to the heart of the right-to-life controversy, providing the opportunity to experience real life and death situations seen through the eyes of God, children, and the men and women on both sides of the abortion debate.  Learn the many ways people choose to support the culture of death, often times with very good intentions and completely unaware. Step on to the battlefield during the most colossal humanitarian disaster in the history of mankind and ask yourself, “Whose side am I on?”

     The third book in the award-winning God Moments Series integrates Catholic Church teaching on the sanctity of life to cultivate an unconditional respect for the great dignity of the human person, and encourage you to trust in the Lord’s judgment and reverence His most perfect timing.

     True love leads to life, and so many other wonderful things!  Do not wait to get involved in the pro-life movement; God has prepared a very special place just for you within it.

www.josephkarlpublishing.com

_________________

Sources:

1.  Father John A. Hardon, S.J., Basic Catholic Catechism Course Workbook (Bardstown, KY: Eternal Life, with permission of Inter Mirifica, 1998), p. 56.  
2. Devotion to the Sacred Heart (Charlotte, NC:  Tan Books, 2010;  Originally published at Clyde, MO, under the title True Veneration of the Sacred Heart, 8^th Edition, November, 1949), pp. 59-60.